How to foster a positive autistic identity in children
“As it stands, we are doing almost everything wrong as a society”. (Maxine Share, 2019)
Executive Functioning
🧠Following directions can be an area of impairment, say instructions with a multi modality approach giving them visual aids, illustrations, samples and kenesthetic. If you are going to use an oral modality, be careful and break instructions down, saying them one of a time, focusing only on the relevant information occupying simple words, but remember that this is the weakest learning modality.
🧠Many autistic children have trouble communicating what they need or want, leading to frustration which can manifest as "behavioural problems" Imagine how would you react if you needed help opening something because it's physically a struggle for you. Observe the child's behaviour closely and when you identify a sign of frustration teach them how to ask for help, modeling the action and pairing it with the word or a visual that indicates "help".
🧠Visuals are a best practice and are essential for many autistic children. Most of our kids benefit from having all verbal commands paired with a visual. In simple terms, this means if you send your 10-year-old upstairs to get your purse and keys, as you are saying it, hand her a note that says: “Keys-Purse” or even better use Picture Comunication Symbols.
🧠Although pictograms are more used in non-verbal individuals, they are a great support for those who do have speech. For many autistic learners, the visual reference helps compensate for the impact anxiety has on memory, or for difficulties in executive skills that can mean, among other things, they struggle to remember what comes next.
🧠Most autistic kids have slower processing speed (they are six second kids in a three second world), therefore, you will need to give them extra time to process the information and wait for a response.
🧠Learning how to wait to respect the child’s processing can make a world of difference. It can really reduce anxiety in the home and improve the family dynamic. You must be very patient and repeat the instruction, re-teaching each step recurrently in different contexts, without interrupting their processing.
🧠Always try to address them by their name, at their height.
🧠If the child does not respond, several scenarios may be happening, does the child know how to put on the shoes? Are they so anxious that they can’t remember what they have learned, or cannot comply with your command? Is there any sensory factor affecting them? You must be patient and consider all the variables, placing yourself in the child's perspective.
🧠It is very useful to teach them about problem solving using the modeling technique, which in simple words is to live your life out loud.For example if you were going to make lasagne , but find you are out of cheese let your internal dialogue be heard so you can demonstrate problem-solving to your child: “Oh dear. No more cheese left! That’s okay. I will make something else that everyone likes. Let’s see—do I have spaghetti sauce? I do! Perfect. I will make spaghetti instead of lasagne tonight.” By doing this, you demonstrate emotional regulation as you cope with an unexpected change and you solve a problem.
💖It is common for children on the spectrum to have serious difficulties around their sense of competence. Elevate their spirit by mentioning their value, recognize aspects of their personality, take an interest in their unique play style, let them guide you, without trying to correct them and bringing them closer to the neurotypical standard.
💖Do the exercise of noticing the sensations that your body perceives (sensory input), the smells and sounds of the environment, the chair where you are sitting… Does your body recognize if you are lying down or sitting down? Now what happens with sensations that the brain tends to minimize in relation to your body, such as the touch of your clothes or jewelry with your body, the sound of the watch, the variation of light, etc. Those sensations are the ones that individuals within the spectrum tend to feel most intensely, so it is really importance that you validate the child's experience while presenting these difficulties, making them feel comfortable and reviewing options to reduce their anxiety.
💖This is a complex condition that touches many aspects of the child's life, making them requiring support to carry out activities of daily living, communication and understanding of the social, differences in their sensory and motor processes, problems with their functions executive to complete actions and emotional regulation among others, having a development different from that of a neurotypical one.
💖Children on the spectrum will be exposed to constant challenges and corrections from different people, in different contexts, most of the day, for the rest of their lives ... Even though these 'corrections' could be made with all the love in the world, this may affect their self-esteem and self-concept strongly, preventing them from trusting their own abilities and instincts.
💖Reject the tendency of "autism correction" where the premise always has to do with the child making a mistake or being inconsiderate, or too slow, or restless causing inconvenience to the rest, etc. It is important to be aware of daily learning opportunities, highlighting positive and different qualities.
🧠Visuals are a best practice and are essential for many autistic children. Most of our kids benefit from having all verbal commands paired with a visual. In simple terms, this means if you send your 10-year-old upstairs to get your purse and keys, as you are saying it, hand her a note that says: “Keys-Purse” or even better use Picture Comunication Symbols.
🧠Although pictograms are more used in non-verbal individuals, they are a great support for those who do have speech. For many autistic learners, the visual reference helps compensate for the impact anxiety has on memory, or for difficulties in executive skills that can mean, among other things, they struggle to remember what comes next.
🧠Most autistic kids have slower processing speed (they are six second kids in a three second world), therefore, you will need to give them extra time to process the information and wait for a response.
🧠Learning how to wait to respect the child’s processing can make a world of difference. It can really reduce anxiety in the home and improve the family dynamic. You must be very patient and repeat the instruction, re-teaching each step recurrently in different contexts, without interrupting their processing.
🧠Always try to address them by their name, at their height.
🧠If the child does not respond, several scenarios may be happening, does the child know how to put on the shoes? Are they so anxious that they can’t remember what they have learned, or cannot comply with your command? Is there any sensory factor affecting them? You must be patient and consider all the variables, placing yourself in the child's perspective.
🧠It is very useful to teach them about problem solving using the modeling technique, which in simple words is to live your life out loud.For example if you were going to make lasagne , but find you are out of cheese let your internal dialogue be heard so you can demonstrate problem-solving to your child: “Oh dear. No more cheese left! That’s okay. I will make something else that everyone likes. Let’s see—do I have spaghetti sauce? I do! Perfect. I will make spaghetti instead of lasagne tonight.” By doing this, you demonstrate emotional regulation as you cope with an unexpected change and you solve a problem.
Emotions and Sensations
💖Make sure that the child’s environment is loaded with positive messages, to help to combat the constant negative messages that they could receive from society.💖It is common for children on the spectrum to have serious difficulties around their sense of competence. Elevate their spirit by mentioning their value, recognize aspects of their personality, take an interest in their unique play style, let them guide you, without trying to correct them and bringing them closer to the neurotypical standard.
💖Do the exercise of noticing the sensations that your body perceives (sensory input), the smells and sounds of the environment, the chair where you are sitting… Does your body recognize if you are lying down or sitting down? Now what happens with sensations that the brain tends to minimize in relation to your body, such as the touch of your clothes or jewelry with your body, the sound of the watch, the variation of light, etc. Those sensations are the ones that individuals within the spectrum tend to feel most intensely, so it is really importance that you validate the child's experience while presenting these difficulties, making them feel comfortable and reviewing options to reduce their anxiety.
💖This is a complex condition that touches many aspects of the child's life, making them requiring support to carry out activities of daily living, communication and understanding of the social, differences in their sensory and motor processes, problems with their functions executive to complete actions and emotional regulation among others, having a development different from that of a neurotypical one.
💖Children on the spectrum will be exposed to constant challenges and corrections from different people, in different contexts, most of the day, for the rest of their lives ... Even though these 'corrections' could be made with all the love in the world, this may affect their self-esteem and self-concept strongly, preventing them from trusting their own abilities and instincts.
💖Reject the tendency of "autism correction" where the premise always has to do with the child making a mistake or being inconsiderate, or too slow, or restless causing inconvenience to the rest, etc. It is important to be aware of daily learning opportunities, highlighting positive and different qualities.
Behavioural Problems
😌Use purposeful language providing clear directions and explanations, emphasizing what they can do, rather than what they can't.
😌The word 'no' is often a catalyst for defiant or self-injurious behaviors, being a message loaded with negativity that produces fear, insecurity and anger in this primordial stage in which children are exploring the world. Therefore, explaining them your warnings and disagreements is the most favorable approach, for example, "Uh, that road looks dangerous, look you can fall from there! Let's walk on the sidewalk instead!"
😌The more rigid and demand avoidant the child, the more flexible the adults need to be. Often, those children who cannot cooperate with demands are driven by anxiety, they need to be in control of what is being asked of them. The most effective approach is to adopt a collaborative methodology, providing support and options that allow them to maintain control of the situation, also favoring communication. For example: do you want to tidy your room now, or after lunch?
😌Make introspections regarding your methodology, constantly checking that it is adequate to enhance the child's abilities, that it caught the child attention and personalized.
😌There is a difference between a meltdown related to sensory processing and a "tantrum" that is related to behavioural aspects. However, many times they share the same strategies such as self-harm. Remember that it’s important to maintain constant communication with their support professionals, to help you to distinguish the possible source of discomfort in different contexts in which these behaviours appear.
😌The more rigid and demand avoidant the child, the more flexible the adults need to be. Often, those children who cannot cooperate with demands are driven by anxiety, they need to be in control of what is being asked of them. The most effective approach is to adopt a collaborative methodology, providing support and options that allow them to maintain control of the situation, also favoring communication. For example: do you want to tidy your room now, or after lunch?
😌Make introspections regarding your methodology, constantly checking that it is adequate to enhance the child's abilities, that it caught the child attention and personalized.
😌There is a difference between a meltdown related to sensory processing and a "tantrum" that is related to behavioural aspects. However, many times they share the same strategies such as self-harm. Remember that it’s important to maintain constant communication with their support professionals, to help you to distinguish the possible source of discomfort in different contexts in which these behaviours appear.
Social Skills
💬Learn about the child’s interests so that you can model and practice reciprocal conversation, through joining their game starting with modifying the structure minimally and allowing communication, or actively participating in conversations about their interests, whether it is an animated cartoon or a video game. This helps to generate stronger bonds in the recognition of the child accepting and valuing being autistic, modelling listening to others and managing their emotions during the process.
💬Autism is strongly related to differences in communication and social interaction, which is why certain social missteps will commonly occur in social contexts, so one of the important steps is to be firm in defending the child if someone tries to embarrass him, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
💬Social interaction is experienced as an intense stimulus, so the need for isolation must be respected, forcing the interaction will only produce stress. To approach this it's necessary to talk about fear and anxiety with the child and their environment.
💬Children are in a process of growth where we adults must support them to understand situations and actions that are intuitive for many, this must be done with respect for the dignity of the child.
🚗Try incorporating the idea of a Plan B into your life. It will help your child to be more flexible when things change unexpectedly. For example, if you have planned to take your child to the park on Saturday morning, teach them to put that plan on their calendar—but not before also including the backup plan! ‘Chris, I am looking forward to taking you to the park on Saturday after breakfast. I love spending time with you! Now, what is our Plan B in case we can’t go…like if it rains or one of us isn’t feeling well?” The child then chooses Plan B: to watch a Disney video with you and have a bowl of popcorn if the park trip doesn’t work out. You make sure to get the child to put the Plan B on the calendar—and you will review Saturday’s plan several times during the week.
🚗It is important to integrate them by giving options to plan future activities or objectives, using alternative and augmentative communication systems to allowing them to show their preferences, especially in the case of non-verbal individuals.
💬Autism is strongly related to differences in communication and social interaction, which is why certain social missteps will commonly occur in social contexts, so one of the important steps is to be firm in defending the child if someone tries to embarrass him, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
💬Social interaction is experienced as an intense stimulus, so the need for isolation must be respected, forcing the interaction will only produce stress. To approach this it's necessary to talk about fear and anxiety with the child and their environment.
💬Children are in a process of growth where we adults must support them to understand situations and actions that are intuitive for many, this must be done with respect for the dignity of the child.
Transition Time
🚗Children on the spectrum have transitional problems, this refers to extreme discomfort when facing changes and situations where uncertainties are faced. Establishing a routine is essential to help them make their environment more predictable by creating a safe and tolerable environment. For this, the use of visual schedules, planners, calendars, etc. is recommended, considering the child's interest and making them consistent but not timed, remember that every child has their own pace.🚗Try incorporating the idea of a Plan B into your life. It will help your child to be more flexible when things change unexpectedly. For example, if you have planned to take your child to the park on Saturday morning, teach them to put that plan on their calendar—but not before also including the backup plan! ‘Chris, I am looking forward to taking you to the park on Saturday after breakfast. I love spending time with you! Now, what is our Plan B in case we can’t go…like if it rains or one of us isn’t feeling well?” The child then chooses Plan B: to watch a Disney video with you and have a bowl of popcorn if the park trip doesn’t work out. You make sure to get the child to put the Plan B on the calendar—and you will review Saturday’s plan several times during the week.
🚗It is important to integrate them by giving options to plan future activities or objectives, using alternative and augmentative communication systems to allowing them to show their preferences, especially in the case of non-verbal individuals.
🚗Keep in mind that most autistic people have some sort of sleep issues. Some studies suggest our diurnal rhythms—our body clock—is off by two to three hours. This means your child just may not be ready to sleep when tucked in.
Neurodiversity
🌈Dare to read books by authors on the spectrum. It is important to get to know the voice of autistic adults and young people who can guide us in the best way to teach and understand how reality is lived from that perspective. This will be of great help to the child, since you will understand autism from a closer perspective, empathizing with their difficulties and challenges (it is not because they don’t want to, it is because they needs understanding and support).🌈It's important to deliver the message to children that having a unique way of learning doesn’t limit their potential. The best way to do this is by presenting them with positive role models of people within the spectrum who have been recognized for the value of their restrictive interests, and their ability to hyper-focus. Examples are the poet Emily Dickinson, physicist Albert Einstein, environmentalist Greta Thunberg who has mentioned her autism as a superpower, actress Daryl Hannah (Blade Runner), Michelangelo, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Isaac Newton, Satoshi Tajiri, creator of Pokémon who had as a restrictive interest in insects, Nikola Tesla, Susan Boyle, to name a few.
🌈Trust your gut, there is a tendency to perceive professional psychologists, speech therapists, occupational therapists and educators as experts on the subject, but currently there is no professional training or methodologies guided by individuals within the spectrum. That’s why the perspective of parents and caregivers who are experiencing day by day the genius of these children and their difficulties, is essential for the team of support professionals, we are learning too.
🌈Remember that fairness does not mean equal—it means giving every child what they need. Autistic children may need more parent involvement and for a longer time than a typically developing children.
As a psychologist I propose to be careful of the moments where we decide to intervene and teach. We must change the paradigm by which we look at autism, avoiding comparisons with others in its line of development. We need to begin to see children within the spectrum as what they are, children, who have particular personalities and tastes, as well as desires and dreams that we have to focus on, giving them a voice to express it, giving them options that consider their subjectivity and mainly, their dignity.
List based on interview with Maxine Share, Canadian autistic writer, advocate, workshop creator and counselor who works hard to try to change the understanding and actions of those who work and live with people on the spectrum. 💡You can contact and find more information on their Facebook page Autism Goggles
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